that was quite a show; very entertaining. but it's.

written on 20th may 2009-

actually, i didnt want to blog today.
but after seeing jobyforever.bs,
i suddenly understood alot of things that i didnt realise on many levels about the blog that i created months ago.
it's like, joby forever.
the thing is that whenever i blog there, i use the name "jo"
and when by blogs he uses the title "by"
and it's always, constantly, revolving around our names, our posts,
forever "jo" ;forever "by".

and the blog title itself serves its purpose.

and the second thing i realised is that the blog helped us in many, many ways.
for a very good example,
i wasnt very happy just now.
when i went online, i went to jobyforever because i miss it.
and i saw by's post which he just blogged.
it kind of eradicates that burning anger i had few mins ago.

many times,
you can never possess that ability to express to the person you hurt yet love -the person who just doesnt want to answer your call- about how apologetic you are.
we communicate to each other in little bite-sizes of short sentences and random snapshots of us that wholly depicts our love, hoping that we understand what we truly feel about one another.
and that itself, the purpose, allows us to last together. jo and by forever as it goes on and on with no intruders.

and jobyforever the phrase came up to us when we were only together for the first month, when by and i were still in secschool. i was only in sec2 then. it came up when we were sneaking love letters to each other, by passing his letter to my friends everyday without fail hoping that i get to receive his professed love on the foolscap paper.

it is so weird, to have a relationship for four years and a half- for having a first love like me. because from what i see couples are breaking up everyday, unable to tolerate each other -for only months! seriously, i truly believe that it's fate, coincidental stuffs like, our names are almost alike, and it forms joby. and the way we met each other is simply hilarious. our first date, becomes many dates, and our photos just accumulate forever, from tens to hundreds. i never know how it feels breaking away entirely from a person you love deeply, and i never know that feeling of being away from someone that close. because we never fail to contact each other everyday. even days when he went overseas, he brought his phone batteries and many caller id cards to contact me. i really dont know. thanks to this guy, he filled my life with tears, he brings joy, love, everything bitter and sweet. it is really weird to know that hey, my relationship with him and other couples are different. people look at our relationship in awe when i said oh we have been together for four years. even three years surprised them.

but by, why. i dont understand, like why is it that we can last that long. it's just awesome to me now, because it is only until now i truly realise how special this connection is. and i forgot how being single feels like. or a girl with a family but nobody else that you can truly count on whenever you need him.








thanks to you uh by. AHAHAHAA. for unknowingly making me "pc" this jobyforever phrase and our relationship. and now i'm in awe. HAHAHAHAHHAHAA. like wow, is this really happening to me? thing.

*************************************************************************************





jobyforever.bs is deleted from blogspot already. that was one of the reasons why i didnt blog for the past few weeks. another reason was that i didnt know how to express my sense of loss in words. there was only one option which is to be pathetic. to look pathetic. hence i really want to thank three people in my life who helped me even though i didnt reach out to them at all. i really didnt wish to look pathetic.






in this half a decade i learnt alot of things,
i've grown from a 13 yr old little insensible girl to an 18 yr old with a boy whom somewhat guided me throughout these years. without him i might smoke. without him i might club. or maybe without him i would be worse than an alcoholic. but when i grew up as i near 16 there was a role reversal. and absurdly i couldnt prevent it and feel tired being the mature one.

isnt it true; how about a round of applause.
standing ovation.

that was quite a show, very entertaining.
but it's over now.
go on and take a bow.


i realised this part of my life has taught me way too much. now i know what i'm looking for and what to prioritise in life. i can tell the difference btwn honesty and not, genuine or fake. i knew how it's like to feel completely unappreciated. to feel exploited. hence no matter how much i have lost , faith, all that shit, at least i gained experience.