untitled.

My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all...All my heart has ever wanted is you.

 I have everything, anything. Then...what have you done to me? Now that all my heart has ever wanted is you. 

Time spent with anyone and anything else can never be compared to time spent with you.

What is it about you that makes you the centre of my universe? And I can never change that again. No matter how hurtful words can be, or how much tears I will cry, nothing makes me go away.

Not this time. 

Inspiring

“There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree; there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your minds, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank account, but your soul. People don’t talk about the soul very much anymore. It’s so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is a cold comfort on a winter night, or when you’re sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you’ve gotten back the test results and they’re not so good. So here is what I wanted to tell you today:

Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house. Do you think you’d care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast? Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water gap or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a cheerio with her thumb and first finger. Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Each time you look at your diploma, remember that you are still a student, still learning how to best treasure your connection to others. Pick up the phone. Send an e-mail. Write a letter. Kiss your Mom. Hug your Dad. Get a life in which you are generous. Look around at the azaleas in the suburban neighborhood where you grew up; look at a full moon hanging silver in a black, black sky on a cold night. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Once in a while take money you would have spent on beers and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good, too, then doing well will never be enough.” 

I need you more than you'd ever know.

Have you

Have you ever felt so depressed that you just want to end your life right here? I do, right now. If I had the courage to end my life, I would have died by now. I have tried before... so don't push it. I beg you. I just want to be pampered like any normal girl.

I wonder

If I were to get into local uni, will I be happier? I would make my parents proud. I would be more proud of myself but I wouldn't be happier. I wouldn't have met my group of close friends and I wouldn't have met him. 

So what if I did get into local uni? Would I be doing the things I love? When I graduate, would I be loving my job? Or so what if I enroll into Laselle after my A's and learn graphic designing or fashion? Would all that make me mightier, more sophisticated? 

YOLO. Of course we only live once. It's silly fact that people emphasize just to give excuses to do silly things. In fact we die every second, we lose a bit of our lives each time we breathe. But what would we all do if we have the capabilities to do anything we want? (Instead of using yolo as an excuse) What if there's no society pressure with the necessary degrees and qualifications? What if money is never a problem? Would we do better if we just follow our hearts and do what we love? 

I think so. 

We would have spent every second of our lives happier than what we are doing now.

Being happy isn't about everything, I know that. Everyone has their own goals, eventually, even if you don't have one yet. But being happy is a goal that many has, and that proves that happiness is pretty hard to achieve. If you have a goal and that is to be happy, then do what you love. Step up and solve your problems, talk it out and move on. Deal with obstacles and settle with what makes you contented. If you feel like crying, go ahead. Whatever that makes you feel better.

As for me, I would start by appreciating what I have right now.

Why hurry to our death?

***

                                           It's all too easy to figure out what happened today. 

                                                         I can do this shit, I know I can.

Piglet in Boots

Hey there, how's your Sunday? 

I saw this joke in a magazine which my mum brought home today-

"When my son was in second grade, his teacher informed me that for an assignment, he had written that his father was his hero because 'he satisfies my mom in the bathroom.' When the teacher asked for clarification, my son explained that his dad brought home magazines so I could read in the bathroom. And yes, she asked him to redo the assignment."-magazine reader

HAHAHA isn't the kid adorably innocent.

I saw this as well-

Interviews Pink;

Pink: I get easily bruised.

Magazine interviewer: Why?

Pink: I've always felt like an underdog, and I'm comfortable with that label...(But) It's good that a girl like me can get a beauty contract.

Magazine interviewer: What do you mean, "a girl like me?"

Pink: Well, I was always considered butch. So "a girl like me" is someone who doesn't rest on her looks, who has people tell me from day one, " You're never going to get magazine covers because you're not pretty enough." I'm totally comfortable with that. I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I am funny, and I'm a good person.

Magazine interviewer: So what makes you feel beautiful?

Pink: Feeling beautiful to me is when I feel good in my leather pants and my husband grabs my ass. Or when I'm sitting on a mat and my daughter runs to me with complete joy. Beautiful has never been my goal. Joy is my goal-to feel healthy and strong and powerful and useful and engaged and intelligent and in love. It's about joy. And there's such joy now.

 ***

On a side note...

I just found out from the magazine that March 1 is National Pig Day.

I found it just by googling "Piglet in Boots"

I admit;

It's kinda cute.

3 more weeks

Heyhey, I'm back 

Today I learned:

One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.

Recognize those who love you. – The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren’t very loveable.  Pay attention to who these people are in your life, and love them back, even when they aren’t acting loveable.

What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.  Make sure it’s worthwhile.

Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.  You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.  You didn’t go to sleep outside.  You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning.  You hardly broke a sweat today.  You didn’t spend a minute in fear.  You have access to clean drinking water.  You have access to medical care.  You have access to the Internet.  You can read. 

Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks.– Slow down.  Breathe.  Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose.  When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity.  These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.

Take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.

Follow your heart.  Be true to yourself.  Do what makes you happy.  Be with who makes you smile.  Laugh as much as you breathe.  Love as long as you live.  Say what you need to say.  Offer a helping hand when you’re able.  Appreciate all the things you do have.  Smile.  Celebrate your small victories.  Learn from your mistakes.  Realize that everything is a lesson in disguise.  Forgive.  And let go of the things you can’t control.

Pay attention to who your real friends are. – As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.  Remember, life is kind of like a party.  You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late.  But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess.  And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess.  These people are your real friends in life.  They are the ones who matter most.

These are what I have learnt today and I hope by reading this, so have you. (:
If you belong to the group of people in my last point, I just want to say thanks for everything that you've done for me, I really appreciate it and that I would do the same for you too. 

Hi Baby,

Thanks for the maggie mee and hazelnut coffee. 

I love you. (:

Happy

Oh wow. You read it. You care. (:

100 times target.

Can you tell me how you feel, and what exactly are you planning to do right now? Why are you torturing me like this? I have tasted the sweetness you fed, and now you're pulling back because you think, it works. No... I'm telling you that it doesn't. Because I have never taken you for granted. I am the way I am because I know things can turn out much better than right now.

You know who you are. 

Speak to me now, before I die of ambiguity and insomnia.

We still have a 100 times target, remember? 

I dont exactly know why am I ranting my day away... I need an outlet I guess. Nobody reads this anyway. (:

I need a getaway... I seriously cant wait for my birthday, I want a chalet, I want more attention. (honestly)



Woke up at six am to prepare for school, the traffic was bad yet again (not surprising), attended lecture on my own and gave the wrong answer VERBALLY during Balwant's lecture. Hahahaha I was so wrong. But whatever, I dont really care about what others say now. Lecture ended 15 mins earlier, headed down to photocopying room to find Sj. It's funny how a photocopying standing-up session can turn to a stress-reliever chat outlet. I remember pressing the scanning button every now and then to scare Sj HAHAHA. Her test is coming up, all the best okay! REVISE NOW and no regrets, guilt can kill and swallow you whole.

Dajie was late but we were still trying to finish printing all of Sj's textbook. Ate at some foodcourt in school I never knew existed until today LOL. Talked about everything under the sun, laughed at all sorts of stories we compiled in our recent memories. I was extremely, extremely happy when Sj commented that I lost weight, I feel like at least I accomplished one of my goals this month, which is to eat healthy, exercise often and tone up my body. Besides sleep deprivation and my mind completely occupied with a shocking long list of to-dos, I feel better, comfortable and more confident.

Anyhoo, we went to some uncomfortable student lounge and sat on the carpet floor, revising till Dajie's lesson which starts at 3:30pm. Apparently, we realised that we couldn't even attempt the first few math questions in Dj's math assignment. I'm so sorry I cant help Dj. WHAT A JOKE. Jokers ah all. ): Hell, which adds on to the constant annoying rant in my head to BUCK UP LA... Afterwards Sj and I left school but before that we bought "Authentic Hokkaido Icecream" which tasted like Kings, or rather more diluted than Kings- Queens? LMAO. We sneaked the ice cream (mine in cup, Sj's in CONE HAHAHA) on bus 61 towards Bukit Batok. Hehehe boy, those stares from NP students. I was pretty paranoid thinking that they would tell on us. In fact we planned to split the fine 50-50 if we were caught. Then we went on to the Agnes B. Bag topic. HAHAHAHA one fine means one Agnes B. bag. So if I'm not caught, will I get my bag? Hehe funny ah. FUNNY AH. :<

Reached home, bathed and immediately, I say IMMEDIATELY, dozed off. When I woke up at 9pm, I thought it was time for morning class. -.- hahahahahaa

Skipped dinner(my family doesnt have dinner, slimming method for mum dad), drank dad's fruit juice. I think it consisted of 4 oranges, 3 apples. No honey, no sugar, no filtering of fibre. It's so healthy and I'm glad my dad does this EVERYDAY.

Did some leg raise, spent time with mum and dad watching 10 o'clock variety taiwan show, and back to my desk.

I miss the Boyfie. We didnt talk at all the whole day. He needs sleep/rest/naps way more than I do... Well he'll be out by tomorrow 9am! Happy much. :D Need more time to play now. Now now where or when can I have my fun back in my life.

11/10/11 last Tuesday, went to find Shah because he was going to have ligament operation the next day. Wasnt my first time, but didnt like it that much. Coughed and was too tired to go for that one hour tutorial the next day hahahaha sorry myself. 

I really need a solution.

I went google and

"9 Things That Keep Every Relationship

Going Strong Every Day"

1) Schedule "Me" Time

Every r/s needs a "no-r/s time". You work all day, so when you get home you feel like you have to be with your partner for the rest of the night. No good. Let him work in the garage or play video games while you do yoga or watch the show that you buffered two weeks ago. Have an hour of "me" time everyday.

2) Keep the Guffaws Coming

Laughing is a key to a r/s. Even when you're all stressed up or frustrated, try to find something to giggle about. It'll always pull you out of a funk.

3) Steal a Midday Hello

"No matter how busy our lives are, my gf and I check in when we have a quick moment. It's quick but says so much about being in each other's corner and making each other a priority."

4) Let The Compliments Flow

"...Even if it seems like something insignificant. We're in the midst of home improvement, and complimenting my man's dry-walling or sanding skills helps alleviate the strain of remodelling and makes him happy"

5) Show Some Love

"Hands down, no questions asked: a kiss and a hug every single day. Touching is so important!"

6) Get down to Business

"Have sex. It's a good stress reliever, and everybody's happy."

7) Speak Your Mind

"I feel that our relationship is strong because we really respect each other enough to be honest and up front in our communication at all times."

8) Say Those Three Little Words

It is so simple, but tell your partner "I love you" everyday, and mean it."

9) End The Day Together

"We try to go to bed around the same time at night and lie there for about five to ten mins and just chat about anything and everything.That time when nothing is going on becomes something that we really look forward to."

I need it and I dont know, I hope I can feel better.

27

Six more days!!! (Y)

Am but drenched in vanilla twilight

Today was the most stressful, mind-exploding day.

I've never felt this bad, not even when I was studying because I owe these people my promises, my word. Growing up with the mentality of hating to disppoint others is slowly eating me up.

I have no one to tell this to, I feel stuck in that loser atmosphere. I couldnt bring it up to my darling designer, HT and Pat because they were packed with their complaints, I was supposed to hear them out. Luckily MS was there to hear me out for a while. Night ball streetmatches definitely healed me temporary, hanging out with these people chilled me like a cup of Mac ice milo, for two hours.

This morning while I was travelling, I listened to the radio, and this song popped up. It was that nostalgic moment when you'll just stare out from the bus, looking at literally nothing but flashes - right in front of you, and you'll feel that joy all over again, and afterwards the instinctive pain accompanied with tears welling up all over again, too. It's like a cycle, a habit. But I'm breaking out of this like how Michael Scofield breaks out of Foxriver and Sona prisons. ^^

Anyway Prison Break is so awesome, finished every season. You wouldnt believe it but the part that I cried like shit was when Bellick sacrificed himself. It's so freaking sad. I didnt cry that much when Sara supposedly got her head chopped off. hahahahahaha

Prison Break is nicer than Lost. But Lost's ending taught me a hell lot like a lit book with a deeper understanding of the human life.

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

Merely, and nothing more;

The context of the song has changed.

It doesnt matter who sang this song to me.

It all boils down to the application of wordplay. (:

I wish I can do something about it.

Gosh, the truth is I feel damn sad right now because the line between us is just too clear. I need you, right back when I first knew you. Pardon me for stepping across that boundary, it has been exasperating.

I think you dont need me at all. I dont even think that you'll ever, see this.

Even if you do see this, you wont think that I'm referring to you.

Imma rocketeer

Hohoho I've been tagged. I would like to try it but I dont want to post it on fb AHAHAHAHAHAHA



Once you've been tagged, you are suppose to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. Tagged means "I'm interested in knowing what are your 100 truths". (To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, copy and paste this note, erase my answers and enter your own, tag people (in the right hand corner of the app then click publish.) And if you don't fill this out and post it within a day of seeing it, you will turn into a maroon pineapple.

required.
POSTING THIS AS: 100 truths.

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: Water

2. Last phone call: My darling designer

3. Last text message: Sorry you are? Haha sorry I accidentally cleared your number.

4. Last song you listened to: Rocketeer

5. Last time you cried: Few hours ago



HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: Yes

7. Been cheated on: Yes

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No

9. Lost someone special: Yes

10. Been depressed: Yes

11. Been drunk and threw up: No, never threw up


LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. ALL COLOURS

13. especially

14. Electric BLUE



THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)

15. Made a new friend: PLENTY!!!

16. Fallen out of love: Yes

17. Laughed until you cried: YES HAHAHAHAHA

18. Met someone who changed you: Yes

19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes, totally.

20. Found out someone was talking about you: Everybody talks about everybody

21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: Yes

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: 90%

23. How many kids do you want?: 2 [twins!!!!!! XD]

24. Do you have any pets?: I had two fighting fish, one called nehneh, one called pok. Afterwards SJ and I had two terrapins, one called chilli zwilala and the other pepper bomchacha.

25. Do you want to change your name: No, I love my name. It suits me.

26. What did you do for your last birthday: I was kidnapped, refer to blog post. :D And after the best celebration in the world, someone screwed it up badly. Cried but someone else made it worthwhile at night 11pm. (:

27. What time did you wake up today?: 0745am. *inserts sian face*

28. What were you doing at midnight last night?: Texting and holding on to my phone while lying on my bed in the dark.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: MY BIRTHDAY!!!! HAHAHAHAHA

30. Last time you saw your Mother: This morning!

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: Too many stuffs, some doable, some impossible.

32. What are you listening to right now: 987fm

34. Who is getting on your nerves now? customers

35. Most visited webpage: Facebook

36.Whats your real name: Wong Joey.

37. Nicknames: Jo & Toddler Jo. HAHAHAHAHAHA

39. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius

40. Male or female?: Female

41. Primary School?: Qihua Primary School

42. Secondary School?: Presbyterian High School

43. High school/college?: Innova Junior College

44. Hair color: Apricot with a tinge of rebellious streak

45. Long or short: Short.. ):

46. Height: 153cm. HAHAHAHA I KNOW. i know.

47. Do you have a crush on someone?: Yes

48: What do you like about yourself? Almost everything, I try to.

49. Piercings: 3

50: Tattoos: Maybe soon

51. Righty or lefty: Righty but a little lefty too


FIRST:

52. First surgery: Lasik

53. First piercing: Primary 2

54. First best friend: Kindergarten ^^ t'was a boyyyy

55. First sport you joined: Table tennis. That changed my life.

56. First vacation: Sentosa

57. First pair of trainers: Since young?



RIGHT NOW:

58. Eating: Mos Fish Burger!!!

59. Drinking: Ice Milk Tea

60. I'm about to: Go back to work.

61. Listening to: You gonna miss me when I'm gone

62. Waiting for: You

63. I'm feeling: A little impatient..


YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids?: Yes

65. Get married?: Yes

66. Career: Public Relations, Marketing, Language, Literature, Stockbroker

67. Lips or eyes: Eyes and Lips

68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs and kisses

69. Shorter or taller: Taller

70. Older or Younger: Older

71. Romantic or spontaneous: As spontaneous as me, romantic like hell.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Everything would appear nice to me.

73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive and perhaps not as loud as me.

74. Hook-up or relationship: No hookups for life.



HAVE YOU:

75. Kissed a stranger: Nope

76. Drank hard Liquor: Yes

77. Lost glasses/contacts: Lost too many times that I have to have Lasik

78. Sex on first date: NO

79. Broken someone's heart: Yes

80. Been arrested: No.

81. Turned someone down: Yes

82. Cried when someone died: Definitely. Of course

83. Fallen for a friend: Yes


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Yes, I have to believe in myself before anyone else can believe in me. That's what I tell myself.

85. Love at first sight: Yes

86. Heaven: Yes

87. Santa Claus: Used to.

88. Kiss on the first date: Perhaps

89. Angels: Yes. Guardian angels, yes.

90. God: Yes.


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

91. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No.

92. Did you sing today?: YES!

93. Did something illegal?: Perhaps.

94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: 15

95. The moment you would choose to relive?: Too many moments, answer might turn out as essay.

96. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Yes. Terrified.

97. When was the last time you lied?: A few months ago.

98. Are you usually late, early or right on time?: A little late hehehe.

99. Would you give your life to save someone else's?: For the ones I love and cherish, yes.

100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: NO! (:


.

I feel so happy today!!!!

and act like

Samantha ت says (12:46 AM):

so what do you wanna hear from me? (:

allhailthedramamama joeywong says (12:47 AM):

HAHAHAHAA i wanna know what you think about me

Samantha ت says (12:48 AM):

i think you're nice

a little too nice

but

too trusting

idk how to put it, but i wonder how do you ever find strength to hold on to things

Maybe I dont really hold on to things, maybe I am just naive enough to have the patience and appreciation, foolishly waiting for miracles to happen, waiting for the other to initiate.